Thoughts from the kayak

Craig and I were asked to read The Five Love Languages as part of our premarital counseling.  We both came out as strong quality time people.  Basically, we feel loved and show love when we spend quality time with others.  This has been both a blessing and a hardship for our marriage.  It is a blessing because our marriage is easily uplifted after a simple game of Frisbee but it is a hardship because we both feel our love tanks on empty when life gets busy and quality time is hard to come by.  We know now that when we start snapping at each other the remedy might be as simple as playing cribbage or staying up and watching a movie or chatting together.  We have grown quite a bit in the past nine years in this department.

When I lack quality time with the Lord, the warning signs aren't always so obvious.  It sometimes takes me awhile to identify that I need some good, quality time with my Father.

When we were at the lake this past week I woke up at 4:45 a.m. one morning.  Now, if you know me, you know my favorite time of day is early morning.  The lake was calling so I dressed quickly and ran down.  (I ran because it was so early and I was honestly afraid a bear might be out on the path).  I grabbed a kayak and very clumsily jumped in and pushed off the side of the dock (still a little afraid of bears).  I glided somewhat gracefully for 5 seconds then awkwardly bobbled around in the kayak, had a moment of fear that I might tip (I had my camera with me), got everything thoroughly wet (camera only partially) then relaxed and off I went.

I stroked against smooth glass for a bit to hang out with the local loon couple.  I listened to their call for awhile and glided near them.  I explored some coves and then at 5:35 a.m. I was on the very western side of the lake and I turned to look east.  It was the moment BEFORE the moment the sun would come up.  I knew I had the best seat in the house for the sunrise but it would be a few minutes.  I did not have quite enough time to paddle around and come back.

Time to be still.  Not something I am great at.

 

 

Last year at this time I grew so close to God as I was on my knees constantly while we were going through a more challenging time.  This winter my bible study held me accountable and my loneliness of moving to a new place held me close to God and His word.

 

But life has been pretty easy lately and I am still growing those close friendships that hold me accountable and help disciple me in my walk.  My walk with the Lord has honestly been a little flat these days.  I pray and I read my bible but my hunger for it and more of Him is lacking and I miss that.  I hunger for the hunger.  I miss quality time with the Lord.

 

Bible verses filled my mind as I lifted my praise, prayers, and thanks to God that morning on the lake, "stuck" for a few moments with no where to go, no mouths to wipe, no food to prepare, nothing to clean but just a sunrise to wait for and some time to hang out with my Father. 

 

Lord, it is so beautiful

The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands.

 

Yes, there is no doubt in my mind when I see beauty like this there is a creator, a designer of this beauty.  Lord, I am sorry for my laziness - my lack of excitement for You and Your word.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

 

Lord, I just want to do more for you - be more for you.....

This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.

 

Yes Lord, you love me...you love me and sent Jesus.  I don't need to BE more or DO more.  Just be more led by the Spirit.

We love because he first loved us.

 

And love other because you love me.

I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

 

My guilt over not being perfect bogs me down from all that you want for me.  I won't ever be perfect but trying to be or feeling guilty over not being perfect bogs me down and keeps me from having life to the full.  Help me to embrace the simple truth that you love me and want me to not get caught in that guilt trap of not being perfect but just embrace that you gave me freedom through Jesus and want me to grab hold of this life...living for You. 

 

The sun came up in all its glory.  It hurt my eyes to look at it but I didn't want to miss a moment.  Fisherman now started to dot the lake.

 

I quietly glided through the water, docked, pulled up on shore and looked out over the water.  Love tank a little fuller not that I had some quality time with God.  And you know what I think?  I think He knows me so well and loves me so much that He knew that some quality time with Him was just what I needed.