My Scarlet Letter

My scarlet letter has everything to do with what's going on in our house right now and with my daughter.  My daughter is 6, she is in first grade and she is a shy, yet confident little girl.  You read that right,  she is both shy and confident.  She can play well with others but isn't the jump right in and be friends type of child.  She likes having friends but is fine by herself as well.  After school, I usually ask her who she played with that day and she will often lists off a few names but every so often she will say "I played by myself and had a great time" This is who she is.

This year she has made a best friend.  We will call her Callie (not her real name).  Callie is very friendly and outgoing and she and Andie play together most days.  We have been excited to have a really good friend for Andie.  We invited Callie over one afternoon and to our church one evening because the youth put on a carnival for the younger kids.  Callie was nice, respectful and she and Andie had a great time.  Then it was Andie's turn to go over to her house.  They asked, we set a date, I talked briefly to both the mom and stepdad after school, I emailed the teacher to ask if there were any concerns....there weren't....all systems go!

But I couldn't shake my uneasiness.  I know I can be a control freak at times and what would go on at this house would be out of my control.....did I trust these people enough with my daughter.  That last question got to me because I was trusting these people with one of the most important people in my world and I did not know them.  Not really.  Only a 2 minute conversation and a handful of emails.  I knew nothing about them.

But isn't this just a normal part of growing up? I asked myself.  I prayed for peace in the situation and it eluded me, God had control, I knew He did...but I didn't clearly know how He wanted me to handle this situation.

Craig and I chatted late one night while I couldn't sleep and I posed this question, "suppose we had a million dollars, would we trust these people with it and come pick it up from them a few hours later?"(Now I know this is a flawed analogy....we are dealing with greed versus endangerment of a child and my daughters well-being is worth more than any amount of money....but I was trying to make a point)

My husband and I both stopped in our tracks.   No, of course we wouldn't trust strangers with that much money....then why were we about to trust our daughter with these same people?  Now, let me stop here.....I do not think for a minute that these are bad people.  In fact, I think they are probably very nice, very moral people...the point was - I didn't know them.  I don't know them.  And I was about to send my child to their house for a few hours without spending any time getting to know them.  This is what I was struggling with.  I felt the peer pressure of "letting go" and letting Andie grow up and have some freedom.  I am naturally a people-pleaser and I did not want to make the parents of Andie's new best friend irritated with us by calling them into question at all or giving off the impression that I didn't trust them.   But I honestly couldn't say I had done my homework, my job, of getting to know the people running the house. 

So I got out of bed that instant.  Painted a big red "O" on my forehead (for overprotective), and emailed the mother, asking if we could reschedule the playdate and if I could come as well and spend some time getting to know her as well since it seems like our girls are going to be good friends. 

I talked to Andie about it in the morning.  She asked why and we simply told her that we needed to know Callie's parents better, we didn't know them well enough.  She seemed ok with that. (that conversation might get harder in a few years)

I nervously checked my email 30 times yesterday.  I avoided step dads eyes while we picked up our girls.  I agonized a bit through the 24 hours after I sent them email and there was still no response.  Andie came home from school and told me how she had talked to Callie about not playing at her house because we didn't know her parents.  I opened up her backpack and found a note from Callie asking if she could please come play at her house.  Was I doing the right thing? 

Then today a positive email response setting up a new mom/girl playdate.  A couple of talks/texts with close friends encouraging me to protect my little girl as much as I could.

So why the blog post?  This is a pretty minor subject isn't it?  A few reasons:
1.  I really actually see this blog as my diary, in fact I might just start writing Dear Diary as the opening line.  I often don't recognize God's hand in my life until I am writing all of it out, then it starts to become extremely clear how He is in all the details in all these "little" life situations.

2.  TRUST your "instincts".  You know what is best for your family.  My friend Karie makes such a good point in the comments below I felt the need to revise this a bit.  I didn't specify that I wholeheartedly believe that my "instincts" came directly from the Lord.  I completely see His hand all over this situation now that I am writing about it.  Andie told me a story on the way to school this morning that Callie had told her.  Now, we are going to start to look into it but if it has even a little truth I would not be comfortable with Andie playing by herself at Callies today.  I KNOW that it was God's still, small voice pressing me to not give in and do what others were doing but do what I felt was most comfortable for myself and my family, while protecting them all the while. 

3.  As moms we have peer pressure.  I don't feel the same pressure I did as a high school student but there is pressure none the less.  Pressure to do what other parents are doing.  I felt pressure to let Andie go over to someone's house that I didn't know because they hadn't questioned it when their daughter came over here.  I was feeling pressure to let Andie go off on her own a bit because that is what I felt the "world" was telling me.  I had to be reminded that I was her protector, there will be plenty of time for her to have freedom but I need to make sure that she is safe when I am able to.  If I don't fight for her childhood who will?

So I will be getting a babysitter for my two boys, paint the big red O on my face and take my daughter over to her best friends house for a few hours next week.  I hope this will be a lasting relationship and one that I can send Andie over to their house without thinking twice about it.  I hope I can give her that freedom but I need to do my all-important homework first....no matter how awkward that homework might be.