Grace....thanks....joy

I have been itching to read Ann Voskamp's 1000 Gifts now for two years.   Oh how the Lord knew when the time would be right to pick up this book.  I have enjoyed a great year with both boys at home.  However, at the beginning of the year I came to realize that I had completely over scheduled us, so I started to cut a few things out.  I kept a bi-weekly prayer time with a mom who also has kids in the same elementary school but decided to replace my morning bible study with an evening one.  I attended faithfully for 3 weeks but then other life things started to happen and it just didn't work any more.  Long story short.....I have been missing getting together with other sisters in Christ and to just talk about how we are growing in our faith.  Enter two wonderful, believing women into my life who were excited to read Ann's book and we have a little book club of sorts in the works :).  So the book is here and we have a start date for the end of May.   However, I can't just look at a book that has a great picture of a bird's nest with eggs in it on the cover....I had to dive right in.  I struggled a bit in the beginning to get into the flow of the book and "just read it".  Ann has a beautiful way of writing....very flowery and full of adjectives.  I tend to be a little lot more blunt in my delivery.  I was humbled when she openly talked about a lack of joy in her life.  Something I can completely relate to but have a hard time owning up to.....the times when I don't feel an abundance of joy even when I know I should be....but sometimes unclear on how to get to a place where I am joyful even in the hard times.

I was enjoying the book and I started to make a list of all the gifts that I am thankful for.

My first 25 gifts were somewhat easy to list, as the sun was sunny for the first few days of list making and so were all of our personalities:

1. The contrast of the blue, spring sky and leafless brown trees.
2.  Smell of coffee drifting up to my bedroom in the morning.
3.  The feel of my child's hand in mine.
4. Giggles as Andie, Isaac, and Caleb all play together on a slide at our local park.
5.  Quiet evenings in which we are all worn out from all the sunshine.
6. Talking to a friend - feeling both needed and listened to.
7.  Making a healthy, home cooked meal for the family.
8. Reading books aloud while all three of my children are draped over me.
9. The feel of fresh sheets on my bare legs.
10. A hot bubble bath after a long run.
11. The freckles on Isaac's nose.
12. The smell of freshly mowed grass.
13. The sound the water makes as it flows through a creek.
14. Light coming through our picture window in the early morning.
15. A quiet night while Craig is playing softball.
16. A run with a good friend.
17.  Completing homemade mothers day/teacher appreciation/Awana helper appreciation flower pots (and they turned out well!)
18. A sitting/rocking chair in my room with a lamp.  I have always wanted my own reading nook.
19. Andie and Isaac's imaginary play, listening to the stories they make up.
20. Bike rides to local parks.
21. Watching a bright red cardinal as it sings in my backyard.
22. Isaac and Andie starting to learn Tennis.  Craig pitching to them, their swings, me chasing.
23. Thunderstorms
24. Andie's teacher at school - She is so creative with how the students learn and apply concepts. i.e. having a flea market at school to apply making change.  Really trying to teach every student and not to the test.
25.  green grass under my bare feet.

And then Wednesday came and I had a rough morning with my 5 year old.  I was struggling with motivating him to do some of his preschool work.  He is doing wonderful yet has developed a bad attitude the last few weeks about it.  I have tried to give him grace and get him excited about it but that morning I drew a line in the sand and said, "that's it.....you have to do this before you play."  An hour and a half later,  (for a 10 minute activity), after much gnashing of teeth and crying and wailing from both him and myself and we were ready to go to the park.  We went to a beautiful park in the area.  I was still in a very frustrated state of mind but I noticed that I was starting to LOOK for God's presence in the day.  For no other reason than the fact that I had been journaling for two days about the gifts I had observed in my life.  Just the act of listing the gifts on paper encouraged me to start to look for them.  This is NOT like me.  Usually I can stay frustrated for awhile and I hang onto that frustration about whatever was occurring.   But that morning, at the park, after an hour and a half of battling with my stubborn 5 year old.......I was eager to find things I could be thankful to God for instead of wallowing in what a horrible job I had felt I had done mothering that morning.  So the following were the things I found to be thankful for that day.  They didn't roll off my pen like numbers 1-25.  They were hard fought and I had to be consciously looking for them.....but they were a complete attitude and day changer for a stubborn 34 year old mom and her equally stubborn 5 year old son.

So without further adieu:

26. My 5 year old giving me grace and forgiveness when I completely lost my temper and did not deserve either his grace or his forgiveness.
27.  Swinging high under a massive cottonwood tree on a swing next too my equally, high-swinging 5-year old.
28.  Pumping my legs in and out, leaning back on a swing under a blue sky.
29.  The call of a red wing blackbird, hidden among cattails.
30.  feeding a family of geese with 7 goslings, two parents.  Watching the mama goose hiss at us as she makes sure we keep our distance.  Feeling a little camaraderie with this mama goose "I get it....you want to keep your babies safe"

5 things to be thankful for that morning, 5 gifts from the Lord.  I offered up my thanks as I walked with my boys that morning.  My heart was changed from an attitude of inward selfishness to outward praise to Him.