Weird

Life is a little weird here today.  I was telling my friend today as I stopped by her house that I distinctly remember a moment about 2 and a half years ago in which I had 3 kids, all 4 and under and life was a little crazy.  I remember thinking to myself then:  at one point life will start quieting down.

Then Andie went to school and the house was much quieter.  I don't know about you other SAHM that public school but when you send your child to school there is hole in your life until they get home.  Don't get me wrong, we have been blessed time and time again by our current decision to public school.  But I miss her.

And this fall we have planned to put Isaac in kindergarten at our local school.  We have been super impressed with the school as far as learning but also as far as letting the kids be kids and have breaks and do fun, age-appropriate activities.  Our school seems to be the right decision for our family at this time.  And, honestly, it has been good for my relationship with the kids to take a step back from "teacher role" (for preschool) and just be mom for awhile.  Give them a cookie and glass of milk when they get home, tell me about your day, why don't you go run and play in the backyard, let's talk about how you think you should handle this or that situation, now really....go play.....kind of stuff.

But it is still weird when they are gone.  This morning, both Isaac and Andie went to church camp.  9 to 3, Monday through Thursday.  Our church camp is actually put on my camp counselors from a local camp.  It is awesome.  Isaac was excited to go.  At 8:20 this morning, he looked at me with a serious face and told me "Make sure you play extra with Caleb today."  Yes, my tenderhearted 5 year old was realizing what his being gone would mean for his brother Caleb.  "I will, Isaac....I will do my best"  I told him.  In my head I whispered to myself....but what about me, what will I do when you BOTH are gone.  2 gaping holes in my day until you both return.  I know this is just 4 days but I also know that in about 5 weeks this will be our new "normal".  I am excited for it and I am sad.  Isaac cannot wait to be a big kindergartner at school and show Caleb all around the school and do all the cool things that he has heard Andie talk about.  I am so excited for him.

Our kids have not left home yet, they are still here, I am rejoicing in this next milestone coming up.  I am looking forward to all the one-on-one time with my youngest.  But I cannot believe it is here at the same time.  My favorite part about being a mom is watching my kids grow and learn.....but I think it is also one of the hardest parts too.....letting them grow up and have their own adventures and come back and tell you about them.  Adventures they would not have if they were always with me.  Life will be a lot quieter this fall.....it just feels weird today.  Caleb talked my ear off this morning.  I tried Isaac.....I tried to make sure I played with him, to listen to him, to laugh with him.  I won't be the big brother that you are and we will miss you something awful during the day but I smile when I think about you singing songs with other kids, learning about Jesus and His great love for you.  Soon your adventures will also include running around on the playground, learning art, music, social studies, science, reading, eating lunch with your friends and laughing, learning how to be a good friend.

It is weird, but it is good too.....and I guess what I am trying to say in this whole mess is that it is ok to miss my kids but know they are where they should be right now.  I will never not feel weird when they are out of the house but that is ok.  This is part of growing up.  Looking back 3 years....I dreamed of having a "few minutes to myself" and now they are here and a part of me is lonely for the crazy, busy life but as I look at the clock I realize it is 28 minutes to pick up time so I better get the cookies out, the milk glasses ready and be ready to listen to what adventures they had today.