Dear self 9 years ago

I was asked to write down some memories or words of wisdom for my cousin who is about to be married to give to her on her wedding and while I feel I have some of those that I could give her, I felt it would be more appropriate if I wrote down what I would have wanted to tell my 24-year old self, 9 years ago, right before I became married. 

 

I would say:

Sarah, WOW you are getting MARRIED soon.  Forever and ever with your best friend.  Stop right now and just soak it all in and enjoy it.  Enjoy the process of becoming joined with another person forever.  Grasp the fact that this is really a big deal.  You are becoming your own family.  Oh sure, you will still have your families but you are about to become your own family of two.  This is a big deal.  You will always have one another.  You are becoming someone’s wife.  What an amazing yet daunting task at the same time.  Right now, I want you to stop and make a list of all Craig’s good qualities and make a list of all the things you want to change about him…..now throw that last list away.  Embrace being Craig’s wife for all the qualities you LOVE about him and all the things that you wish he did differently.  CHOOSE to love him not in spite of all his qualities but because of ALL his qualities.  Learn NOW that your words matter the most to him out of any one in the world.  Your words can build him up and you can be his biggest cheerleader or they can tear him down and make him feel immasculated and worthless.  Choose to be his cheerleader. 

Ephesians 4:29 says “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” 

Don’t just read these words Sarah….live them.  Live them by not letting bitter or angry words come out of your mouth toward your husband.  Pray that God would give you the strength to use words that build him up always.  Yes that might mean not throwing his shoes across the room after you have tripped over them 3 times in one day and finding a good time to calmly ask him to put them away when he takes them off....try to do this, it will be better for your marriage. 

Times will be good.  And when they are good – rejoice, enjoy, love and laugh.  Times will be hard.  There will be times (weeks even) when it will not seem like you can get along with one another.  The laughter does not come easily during these times.  Try to laugh anyway.  The selfless, loving acts are not overflowing those days….do them anyway.  Even when it seems that you don’t get a response in return.  Choose to be loving, choose to be selfless.  And if all else fails....make his favorite cookies....that usually seems to work. 

And when (or if) the children come…it will be completely wonderful and joyous and an awesome experience to share with one another.  I can’t think of a stronger connection than that of sharing in the birth of a child together.  Enjoy that time.

But after you have been home a few weeks and haven’t slept and haven’t had a minute of free time and feel like all you do is feed and change and walk the baby….also try to enjoy that time.  That is when real life is happening as well.  You will be tempted to snap at each other, to become selfish with your time.  To not want your husband to have time to himself because that would be less time to yourself….let him have that time Sarah.  Those are the days that are long and hard and tiring and when you figure out how to become a team during them it will strengthen your relationship more than the event of having the baby did even.  Talk to one another….don’t yell.  Give hugs and kisses freely to one another, as well as grace when you mess up.

Mostly, I would want to tell myself this….slow down Sarah, enjoy it.  Every day.  Don’t wish for tomorrow.  Don’t be looking at the next step.  Enjoy the step you are on right now.  When you are newly married….enjoy that step with all the freedom and opportunities you have.  When you are expecting your first child….enjoy growing your family and the closeness it brings.  Enjoy the pre-school years and school years with kids.  Don’t look at the coming or previous years with longing….with “I can’t wait until…..” but just ENJOY it right now. 

I think Paul writes it best when he writes in Colossians:

Colossians 3:12-17 “¹² Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. ¹³ Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. ¹⁴ And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

¹⁵ Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. ¹⁶ Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. ¹⁷ And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.”