Where does my help come from

Psalm 121

A song of ascents.

¹ I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
where does my help come from?
² My help comes from the Lord,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

³ He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;

 

 

I have forgotten this truth lately.  Completely pushed it out of my head.  Read it but not owned it.  Trying desperately to do things in MY strength, MY own way, with MY abilities, MY ideas, MY thoughts and frankly I have been failing.  Utterly.  I forget to throw in MY sin and MY inadequacies when I try to do things in MY own strength. 

 

I have forgotten God.  Forgotten that He gave me two powerful weapons against Satan, my sin, and my inadequacies.  The Bible - His true word to us, and the Holy Spirit.  God Himself, dwelling within us. 

 

And where have I fallen?  Lately in parenting my going to be 4 year old son.  Isaac.  His name means Laughter and he owns every bit of that name.  He is rambunctious, energetic, fun-loving boy.  Except when he's not.  Then he turns mean, aggressive, using his words and hands as weapons.  His greatest area of strength easily turns into an area that needs discipline.   His energetic and fun ways become aggressive and hurtful.  He has been lashing out at people, mainly myself (because I am the rule enforcer) and Caleb (because he is there and smaller).

 

Oh, how I love to be a parent but I am really not liking parenting Isaac lately.  I can't seem to see past the day to day (and sometimes minute to minute) toughness that goes into training him up. 

 

And then God reminded me of something today. 

 

We had just gotten home from our Bible Study, we ate lunch.  Isaac was grouchy but more or less obedient and kind.  He had gone upstairs to go to the bathroom, I was doing my daily sweep of the kitchen.  Caleb, being at the stage where he follows Isaac everywhere, followed him up to the bathroom.  Next thing I know, there is crying from Caleb.  My heart sank because Isaac has been showing this unkind behavior lately toward Caleb and I SHOULD have known not to let them alone together.  Well - Isaac had slammed a door on Caleb's hands.  Isaac - time out.  Caleb - rocked until he was asleep.  I completely felt incompetent as a parent as I rocked my 18 month old and tried to calm him down.  How do I get through to my 4 year old.  I can't do this.

 

And that's when it hit me.  I can't get through to him because I have been relying on my own strength, my own abilities, my own rules instead of calling on God to help me. God, the creator of all the universe AND the creator of my special, energetic, fun-loving but at times aggressive son.  He knows what to do with him.  He knows how to get through to him.  Why do I even think I can do this in my own power. 

 

2 Corinthians 12:9-11

New International Version (NIV)

⁹ But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. ¹⁰ That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

 

 

When I am weak, then I (finally) bow to Christ and say, "I can't do this on my own....please do this" Which He has been waiting all this time for me to say.  He wants to guide me while I train my children up.  Without Him, I am left to my own devices and I KNOW that road.  I lived it for 26 years.  Left to my own devises I am a broken person with no hope, no joy, no purpose, no peace.  Praise the Lord that he saved me from myself at age 26 but why do I think at age 33 I can parent without Him in it every minute.  I want better for my children.  I want to show them the truth by living it.  By saying "I can't do a thing without Christ...even especially parent". 

 

Caleb eventually calmed down and went to sleep.  I walked downstairs to train Isaac up in the way he should go (Proverbs 22:6) with a little more purpose and power on my side.  We opened up the bible.  Found the passage we have continually been working on...

 

Ephesians 4:32

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

 

We prayed for both of our sinful behavior and he is laying down now.

 

I didn't do anything really different than what I had been doing.  We usually refer to how God wants us to live.  We usually pray about (both) of our sinful behaviors....but I let God rule in my heart during the process this time and that made a world of difference.  Gone was the anger and flustered feeling in exchange for peace.  God knows Isaac...He created him.  He knows what Isaac's heart needs for it to be changed.  He can guide me....if I let Him.  Powerful peace comes with that knowledge.